Facing your Fears

I can only remember two occasions when my father took me to the cinema – just the two of us on a boys night out – and both were disasters!  

If you are old enough, you will remember when movie certificates in the UK were based on letters not numbers.  Certificate U was for everyone, A was for Adult Accompaniment required for Children under 11 and AA was for people aged over 14 only.

Firefox Movie Poster

When the Clint Eastwood techno thriller Firefox was released in 1982 I was 12 years old and convinced my Dad to take me – it wasn’t too hard a sell as he was an Eastwood and fast-jets fan.  Firefox was a certificate AA and being only 12 I told Dad that the meaning of AA had changed to mean you could go in if you were under 14 provided an Adult was with you.  However, when we got to the cinema and Dad read the certificate posters in the foyer, they were clear that under 14’s we not going to be allowed in and there was a stony silence in the car on the way home shortly afterwards.

On reflection I think it was Dad’s fault not mine for listening to a teenage boy for advice on the legal requirements for cinema viewing – and for not remembering the last time he took me to the cinema 7 years previously…

It was supposed to be a male bonding experience – as Dad and I went to see the first of the summer blockbuster movies. Before this film came out – the big movies usually were released in the autumn when people had less to do in the cold evening but because of production problems the film missed its planned release for Christmas 1974 and instead came out in the summer of 1975 and the film was: Jaws.

I don’t remember much of the movie except the finale as the giant rubber shark started to eat the boat and then dragged a screaming Robert Shaw into the sea – spurting blood and gore. At which point I turned to Dad and declared that I was scared and wanted to go home.  Dad rolled his eyes and we left the cinema before the end of the film.  Car, stony silence- you know the drill.

Ever since that day, I have never again watched the film Jaws – until last week.

I decided to go back and face my fears and re-watch Jaws all the way through – rubber shark and all.  I might have squinted a few times as the tension built but I did not need to leave the room this time.

Some things which scare us witless the first time we encounter them are not quite so scary when we return to them with a different perspective.  That new perspective can be because of the passage of time, or the gaining of experience or because we took proactive steps to train ourselves or learn techniques for dealing with the anxiety and stress. 

The things that scared us once do not need to scare us forever.

At school we were taught that we live in a cause and effect universe. If you put your hand in a fire, you will get burned. This is always true. 

But some things we think of as cause and effect relationships are not true for everyone

Take public speaking as an example

Is it true that everyone in the country experiences flop sweats and sleepless nights at the thought of standing up in front of a crowd and giving a speech?  No – of course not!  

Is it true for everyone in your business? No!

Everyone in your family? Probably not!

Some people get the anxiety – some don’t.

So it can’t be public speaking itself that causes the effect (fear and loathing) it must be something else. 

The something else is the beliefs we hold about public speaking. 

And if it is the belief, rather than the thing itself that causes the problem then that is good news. Because you are 100% in charge of your beliefs… and you can choose to change them. 

It’s not the events in our lives that disturb us, but the view we take of them.
Epictetus the Greek philosopher  

Our thoughts and feelings and decisions are shaped by our beliefs and these operate in our subconscious mind.

Fear and anxiety when speaking in public – no matter how large or small the audience – is a learned behaviour. If you have ever spent any time with small children, you will know they love to have the spotlight. “Everyone look at me” they say – “let me sing you a song, let me do a dance, let me show you my kung-foo moves”. 

We are not born shy- but we can often learn to be shy because of the experiences we endure as we grow. 

Which means the fear of public speaking (or glossophobia) is a learned behaviour – and if it is a learned behaviour then it can be unlearned as well. 

We can change our beliefs, by thinking about them (this moves them to our conscious mind) and through repetition we can train our thoughts to take new and different default routes so the thought of public speaking no longer causes an instinctive reaction of fear, but instead on of excitement or anticipation. 

This process takes between 20 – 40 days. In the context of your career – in the context of your life – 20 days is nothing right?

If you want to learn more about this, I recently ran a webinar which introduced my approach to Speaking with Confidence – you can catch the replay here:   www.malmesburyspeakers.com/webinar-replay 

When we change our perception – through training or experience – the things that used to scare us don’t scare us any more.  

You can face your fear with confidence – and discover it’s not a fear anymore.